I've heard that mediation is the best approach to solving disagreements about child custody.   Is this true?

Yes, Mediation is a non-adversarial process where a neutral person (a mediator) meets with disputing persons to help them settle a dispute. The mediator does not have power to impose a solution on the parties, but assists them in creating an agreement of their own. In Illinois, a mediator may not make a recommendation to the court regarding custody or visitation.

There are several important reasons why mediation is a superior method to litigation for resolving custody and visitation disputes.

Mediation usually does not involve lawyers or expert witnesses. (If the parties agree, they may include their attorneys as well as themselves in the mediation process) Even if the attorneys do not participate in the mediation, the attorneys for the parties can review any mediated agreements.

Mediation usually produces a settlement after five to ten hours of mediation over a week or two. (Child custody litigation can drag on for months or even years.)

Mediation enhances communication between the couple and makes it much more likely that they will be able to cooperate after the divorce or separation when it comes to raising their children. Experts who have studied the effects of divorce on children universally conclude that when divorcing or separating parents can cooperate, the children suffer far less.

How to find a family law mediator
Some Illinois counties require mediation in custody and visitation disputes and a number of others allow courts to order mediation. In these situations, the court will direct the parents to the mediator and the parties will be expected to pay for the services. If you choose to do mediation without the court ordering you to do so, you will also have to pay for the mediator’s services. Many family law attorneys are offering mediation services for child custody and other divorce-related disputes, as are a number of non-lawyer community mediators.

Sharon Sheehan is a trained family law mediator and was the coordinator of the Court Side Mediation Externship Program through Northern Illinois University College of Law for 2 years.

Things are so bitter between my ex and me that it's hard to see us sitting down together to work things out. How can mediation possibly work?
Mediators are very skilled at getting parents who are bitter enemies to cooperate for the sake of their children. The more parents can agree on the details of separate parenting, the better it will be for them and their children. Mediators are skilled at getting parents to recognize this fact and then move forward towards negotiating a sensible parenting agreement. If there is a history of abuse or the parents initially cannot stand to be in the same room with each other, the mediator can meet with each parent separately and ferry messages back and forth until agreement on at least some issues is reached. At this point, the parties may be willing to meet face-to-face.